I want to be with Jesus

So last night I overheard the girls talking about Jesus being in Addie's heart....so I went in to investigate. Alexis is excited and says.
' guess what,mom?!' Addie asked her what hell was and Alexis described it as a place where Satan lived and Jesus didn't. It was a hot and scary place, but if you love Jesus-you won't go there.
Addie tells her she loves Jesus and doesn't want to be anywhere Satan is because he is bad. So Alexis led her in prayer and had her tell Jesus she wanted him in her heart!!!! Love those girls. So as I was talking with Alexis how proud I was of her for helping her sister- she says she doesn't remember asking Jesus in her heart. I remind of her of her first year as a Sparky at Awana and she asked Jesus in with Megan and Julia...she doesn't remember. So i ask her if she loves God, if she believes he died and rose again for her sins and if she believes he will come back for us. She says YES! Is that it? she asks. God makes it so simple for us-even a child can do it. We talked more on what God expects form us as his family-Ephesians is great for this. I am so grateful that is the book I am studying...I am just so JOYFUL knowing my girls will be with their heavenly father someday by their choice. Praise the LORD!

Addie scores her first goal!

This week Addie 'got it'. She has been doing great in practice-participating and following instructions. Her opportunity came on Saturday and she took off on a fast break all by herself. She had a few fast breaks- and scored her first goal on one of them. She was so excited, she practically floated over to high five me. She dribbled the ball well down the field and even showed her new skill of turnnig the ball around without walking all the way around it. We are so proud of her!

A Serious Athlete

It has been so much fun watching Alexis each week in soccer. She works so hard and is all over the field. She has scored goals consistantly for her team- four the first and second games and three in the last game. She just seems to 'get it'. She is able to logically predict where the ball is going to go based on the level of skill her opponent has- and then go and take the ball. It is so awesome to watch. I see her coach helping her to improve by shifting her around- to different positions. She seems to be on defense when a girl is in goal(yeah it sound bad- but that is just the way it is sometime) Alexis is a great defender- she has mo hesitation to go right for the ball and clear it out. She has figured out so much already that lots of kids take years to figure out. She is just an amazing athlete. I hope to see her continue to work hard and play hard and keep talking on the field. She is vocal and talks to her teammates like I do when I play-it is so great to see this. I never knew it would be so much fun to watch my own child succeed. It is so awesome!!!

Addie is in Kindergarten!

I have been spending the first half hour in Addie's class helping her calssmates in writing their names on chalkboards. Her teacer, Aaron Reno, is an old family friend that I know pretty well. The second week of school, he pulls me aside and tells me about an incident the day before.(he is grinning from ear to ear, so I am wondering....) So Addie is playing Lego's with a group of boys and she creates a 'gun' of legos and proceeds to shoot a few of them. So Mr. Reno comes over and tells Addie that we don't play with guns and we don't shoot people. She cocks her head and puts her hand on her hip (Addie-tude style) and says 'Uh, Mr. Reno,it's not real'(basically she is saying hello dumb, dumb),' its only pretend'
He had a hard time keeping a straight face! Later she tells me that we can only shoot what we will eat and, gross, it's not like I am going to eat a yucky boy!
Gotta love this kid!

Beautiful Blloms

I can't believe how amazing the flowers look in my front yard. My dad would love to see all the variety and tell me what I should consider adding for next year. I miss those walk n' talks on our gardens.

Last days

My dad passed away Tuesday, May 5th at 4:45a. He was diagnosed with cancer April 16th. That is not a lot of time. I remember the sadness and fear I felt when he told me. The dr. gave him 6-12mo to live- which seemed like such a short length of time, and then suddenly like a long time. I was able to spend some time with him on Sat the 18th and shared the gospel of Christ with him, which he said he would consider. A few days later, he had his first apt with the radiation oncologist, I don't remember when in that short time span, but he had a brain MRI which showed the cancer had also spread to his brain. So, melanoma...which metastasized to his lungs and brain. WOW. So Tuesday he meets with Kathy-the most wonderful PAC ever, and she tells Cami to get all of Dad's affairs in order, he is Very, VERY sick. Panic begins to set in a little, this is all happening too fast. I head over Wednesday to spend time with Dad and see about 'those affairs' that need to be in order. We went to dinner at 13 coins- he had chicken parm and I had some kind of chicken with artichokes and Dijon; It was pretty good. The next morning, we went through some papers, met with Cathy from California Closets-did I mention Dad decided to re-do his closets?- the day went by fast. We planted some dahlia's, went through some more files, and I asked him about his wishes, what he wanted us to know, where to find things.....I met some of the people in his building, they really seem to care about my dad a lot.
Cami came and off to Group health for Dad's first radiation treatment. My brain was on information overload. We picked up some new prescriptions, including Chemo, and headed back. We all had dinner with Dad- he wanted a shrimp salad so that is what we ate. After dinner, Cami headed out and I asked Dad if he had thought any more about our conversation. He didn't remember what conversation, so I reminded him. Basically- Jesus wasn't for him. That was hard to hear, but no more words could come out-hopefully that was God shutting me up, not me being a gutless wimp. I left at about 8p ish- the bridge was closing at midnight and I wanted to make sure I was across before it closed down for the next 6 weeks. The plan was for me to come back in about 10 days to give my sister a little break. Craig was flying in Saturday and would stay til Monday, so Dad would be in good hands.
The next morning, Cami called after Dad's 9:30a radiation appt. Dad now was on oxygen 24hrs a day and needed someone with him 24/7. His balance had gotten worse Thursday and I was worried, but man-24/7?! He would take morphine as well to help with his breathing which had started to be an issue Tuesday. Cami arranged for Bill and Pedro and Lee to be with Dad until Sat morning- then Marty confirmed he could come and then Craig would be there and we would be okay for a few days. Cami was off to Portland for the weekend and I could be comfortable Dad was in good hands.
When Craig arrived at Dad's-Dad wasn't Dad. He wasn't able to answer all of Craig's questions- he wasn't 'all there'. Dad's feet were swollen-that had been addressed at Thursday's apt, but had Dad made the medicine changes? Then Craig noticed the pill box Cami had filled up Thursday night- There were pills in the boxes that should have been taken already. The next thing I knew, Craig had called 911 and Dad was being taken to the hospital. The next few hours were horrible, Cami and i were hours away and didn't know what was going on. We had to just sit and wait for Craig to call- which happened at about 1:30a.m.
Dad was stable, but possibly over medicated-and-he had blood clots in his legs-which could move to his lungs and take his life. We waited to hear what we needed to do. I got all of my Cubbies stuff ready, made the phone calls, got Mom to take the kids and Korey and I headed around the Canal to head to VM hospital.
The dr. waited until we got there to take a CT of his legs to determine where the clots were and if Dad was a candidate for a procedure where they insert an umbrella to catch the clots so as not to allow them to reach his vital organs. So dad was taken to CT-if the clots were low- the procedure was supposed to be done. So we waited. When dad came back, the dr. wanted other physicians to look at the CT b/c dad was a difficult case. Heard that story before.
Things are already beginning to be blurred from my memory, those few days felt like weeks and a few minutes all at the same time. Dad wanted his will updated and we did everything we could to make it happen. Craig contacted dads attorney and she would fax over a will for Dad to take a look at and if all was a go, she would make the trip from Sequim and come over and make sure all was signed and ready if the worst happened. The worst was happening. Dad was having more and more trouble taking a breath and was sometimes cognitive and sometimes not- most likely the morphine, but possibly the effects of the tumor as well. We all left the hospital Sunday night and Dad slept well. Craig got back on Monday at 8:30a and Dad was still sleeping- great, he needed the rest. There was a group of doctors who were supposed to meet at 9a to see if Dad could have the procedure. At some point dr. Lim came in and said the clots were in a place that the procedure could be done. Praise the Lord! good news!! Dad said let's do it-and Dr. Lim asked him about resuscitation-what if his heart stopped-did dad want all measures taken to save his life? Dad answered yes- which surprised us. All of us had talked with dad about this and he had told each of us on separate occasions that he did not want extreme measures taken....but he was fighting and this was good. So they would squeeze him in later that afternoon for the procedure.
dad;'s friends started coming by and family. Aunt jo and Tara and Eric came by- Eric talked to dad about Jesus waiting for him, just needed the go ahead from him.... Dr. Calahan came by(oncology) and talked to dad about what it would look like if his heart stopped on the table during the procedure. 2/100 hearts that restart are hooked up to machines and it is left for the family to decide when to pull the plug. I was not there when he came in and told dad that- Eric was and he relayed that to Korey and I. That was around the 10:00a hour. Within the next few hours, his room was full of family and dad suddenly said to get the kids out of there. We had Ellie and joel go out with Korey or Josh and asked Dad what was wrong. I remember him saying he was just done. He didn't want to do this anymore. Cam and I were crying, trying to understand exactly what he was saying. He said his heart hurt-he was in emotional pain in his heart and it hurt to breathe. By this time he wasn't saying a lot, breathing was labored. Cami had him clarify-he did not want the procedure- he was done. He nodded and said yes. So we called and had the procedure cancelled. Dr Lim came in and spoke with Dad and heard him say the same thing, but wondered if it was the morphine talking- was this really what Dad wanted?
Shortly thereafter Dr. Nate Green, Dad's cardiologist came in. what an amazing, compassionate man. Dad lit up when he saw him. Nate talked to Dad for awhile and was so clear as to what would be happening if he was truly done with everything. He was kind and really helped Dad see it all for how it was and how it would be. He even spoke with Dr. Lim to let him know that Dad had told him last year before his open heart surgery that he did not want to be given CPR-he had dad given the no code status-which Dr. Lim was hesitant to give him. So, at that point, we knew Dad's wishes would be carried out. We feel like God brought Nate down to see dad at the perfect time- his life would be over soon and Nate saw to it that his wishes would be carried out.
So now, 'comfort measures' were being put into place. A social worker came in to let us know what our options were. We were able to stop Dr. Lim and ask him how long did dad have...his answer was shocking- a few hours to a day or so. Oh my goodness, this just could not be happening. The social worker said he would be difficult to transport b/c of his morphine drip and b/c his time was so limited she recommended he stay at the hospital. My head is spinning just remembering-information overload. What did we need to do.....the will. Dad wanted his will updated and Craig was on that. We needed witness-Craig was on that. The next few hours were full of so many tears. His friends came in and told dad how much they loved him. They told us how much dad loved us, that he always talked about us. Most of them knew exactly who we were the minute they saw us, they had watched us grow up in pictures and with stories and had been watching our kids grow up with pictures and stories as well. Nate Green said the same thing. He saw dad a couple times a month after his surgery and he always had stories about his grand kids. It was very evident how much my dad loved us-everyone had a story to tell about dad telling them stories about us. It was so neat to hear.
By this time, dad's breathing was labored. It took a lot of effort for each breath and was hard to watch. His eyes stayed closed and we gave him the min. of morphine waiting for the attorney to come so dad would be lucid when he signed his will. He definitely wanted to get that done. It was amazing how cognitive dad was- he seemed very determined to get his will updated. Now I understand how much effort that must have been for him. The morphine had been making him loopy the days before and now he was totally aware of what was going on, but his body was tired. We now knew that there were clots in his lungs. The clots were the reason he was having difficulty breathing, it wasn't the cancer. His body was being starved of oxygen, he was unable to take deep enough breaths and it would get more and more difficult as the night wore on.
His attorney got here around 6p Monday night. Deb and Marty and Roger had stayed a long time to be the witnesses required for dad to have his will updated and legal. They are very good friends and obviously loved my dad very much. After the will was signed, we gave dad's friends some time to be with dad and we caught a breather out in the hall. Jenna, dad's nurse was amazing through all of this. Compassionate, caring, authoritative when necessary-just phenomenal. We asked her what to expect through the night and she lovingly let us know what would take place. It was really hard to hear, but I still kind of felt like dad would pull through- he always had before.
Korey had taken Ellie and Joel back to Cami's, josh was working on getting home and aunt Joan was heading to Cami's so Josh and Korey could come to the hospital. Those few hours are a bit of a blur. Cam and Craig and I were alone with dad by 10p. We made sure he was comfortable and didn't have to struggle too hard to breathe. Jenna had made sure we got another great nurse, Andrea, who was great with dad. She gave him the necessary meds and just helped us through it all. I dozed off around 11:20 and woke up around 12:30. Cami and I stayed up while craig caught some sleep. At 2a, dad's breathing changed. It started sounding raspy-like Jenna said it would. He was struggling with each breathe. His whole body contorted in an attempt to get the oxygen he needed. Andrea came in and gave hims some kind of steroid/muscle relaxer so his diaphragm wouldn't work like it was. Dad was in and out of sleep, aware we were there. He let us pray for him at some point, but I don't remember when-earlier I think. We cried, it was hard to watch dad, it was hard to believe we had all been together the week before with the kids and GG and enjoying each other. Dad looked so frail and weak, not like dad at all. He would suddenly wake up and want to sit up, so we would help him do that until he couldn't keep himself up anymore. I remember putting my head to his chest and just crying-this could not be happening.
I started counting the seconds between each breath. First 3 seconds, then 5 seconds, then 8, then 11 seconds. I would hang on every breath waiting and hoping he would take it.
At some point, I dozed off again. I don't remember how long, but Craig put his hand on my knee and said it had been 20 seconds since his last breath. I sat up and grabbed his hand. It was cold. He took the tiniest of breaths- and that was it. He was gone. It was horrible, more horrible than anything else ever before. My dad was not dead, it wasn't possible. It didn't seem real. It didn't seem fair. We took off his oxygen mask-it didn't even look like my dad-it wasn't my dad. IT was an old man-not my dad. That wasn't what my dad looked like. I still can't remove the image of his body out of my mind. WE stayed with him for a long time, until it suddenly seemed morbid. Then I wanted to leave-until I was at the door. I realized I would never see my dad again. I didn't know what to do. It just seemed surreal, he was gone. It couldn't be-just couldn't be true. It was numbing walking down the hall. What did we need to do now-with dad. We hugged Andrea, told her thank you for taking good care of my dad and we went to dad's house.
Bert welcomed us with his purrrr and meows. We gathered up what we thought we should take, took the hide-a-key so no one would come in and touch anything and headed to Sequim to tell GG. We thought we should all go together to tell her.....

I have learned-
If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it....

Addie and I sat down to finalize a few birthday party details. I asked her if she just wanted snacks or to have lunch with her friends....She put her finger to her chin and thought...
"Well, we can start with salmon, and then..."
I interrupted her at this point, trying not to laugh.
"Honey, we will not be serving salmon at a birthday party for five year olds"
"Okay," she replies....more thought...
"SNAP!" she says loudly. Umm, snap? I just laughed and asked her 'What?'
"SNAP!" she repeats. I can't help myself at this point, I am cracking up.
Exasperated she says to me, "Mo-Om. I can't do it(snap) so I just say it. you know, I have a great idea...."
She is certainly one of a kind. =)

A visit to Childrens Hospital

The week or so prior to our appt, Grandpa had been teaching Addie all about her ear. She knew she had too much cerumen(ear wax) in her auditory canal - we had hoped to start our appt with our 4 year old wowing her doctor with her medical terminology. As we waited for the doctor to come in- none of us could remember any of the words Grandpa had taught Addie-bummer-but Addie did not let us down. Dr Manning layed Addie down onto the exam table and explained the big gray arm above her was a microscope he was going to look into her ear with. He went on to explain it wouldn't hurt and so on, then asked Addie if that would be okay. Addie paused(dramatic effect), scrunched up her face and says to him in her best 'I am not a dummy voice',
"So it's like an otoscope- only bigger."
The doctor, nurse and resident in the room got a good chuckle over this-it is just how our little Addie is, gotta love her!

Mr Chatty and Mrs Chatty

Last week we took Addie to Childrens hospital to see a doc about her constant ear issues. The solution/diagnosis was nothing we imagined so the way home we had a lot to talk about. Within the first 10 minutes after leaving the hospital Addie interrupts us and says,"Hello Mr. Chatty and Mrs. Chatty, don't you think you could stop talking for once!?" It was mostly funny because Korey was labeled Mr. Chatty-Korey, Mr. Chatty-that would be the first time and most likely the last time he will ever be called chatty.

Addie's New 'SIGN'

January 5, 2008
I hope I can tell this correctly. After dinner, Addie was making this sign with her fingers, looking at Korey, then to her hand and back at Korey. He laughs and ask Addie what she is doing.
"Dad, don't you know this sign?"
No, what does it mean? Dad asks
"Well, this is the sign for I want a horse, with a barn and hay for it to eat."
Of course it is Addie, how could we not see this?

SUPERSTAR!

Alexis has begun her first season of basketball. We have not really taught her anything about the game except that the ball goes through the hoop. Last Thursday she met her teammates and had her first practice, Saturday she had her first game. She was nervous and a little perturbed that the coach would expect her to play well after just one practice......she didn't know if she wanted to play a game yet. Thankfully she did-and did awesomely(Is that a word-it should be!) She is athletic that is for sure. She stole the ball, drove down the court and basically did a jump shot. It made this mama so proud. She didn't make any baskets, but she ran up and down the court, listening to her coach and following his instructions, it was just great. She had a big grin on her face and had so much fun. I love that she is loving this game-what a blast to watch!

Nostrils

January 13, 2008
I was driving Addie to school today and notices she was checking herself out in the mirror. I started laughing and asked her what she was doing....her reply,
" Mom, did you know that you have oval nostrils and I have round nostrils?"

In case I ever wondered.....

Oh Addie

January 12, 2008
From the mind of a four year old.....
I was sitting on the couch visiting with friends and apparently Addie wanted to participate in the conversation. She looks as grown up as possible and says-interrupting-
"I have been trying to dream about Christmas, but just can't. So, I am downloading about it now"


Seriously-she said she was downloading the information so she could dream about Christmas later!
LOL!